


Am I Forgetting How It Felt?

by fivesecondsofmae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fivesecondsofmae/pseuds/fivesecondsofmae
Summary: When Louis wakes up from a coma after a car accident, his last real memory is from five years ago, just after he married Harry. But now, it turns out his life is very different. He's lost his mum, his sister. He and Harry aren't poor students anymore, but rather live in a nice house in a nice London street. And ultimately, the one memory he truly doesn't have, is that he's now a father to a little boy.Harry tries to navigate their lives back to some sort of normality, but can Louis ever get back the most precious memories of him and Harry having a child?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Am I Forgetting How It Felt?

The first thought Louis has when he wakes up is that he’s so fucking tired. But he also desperately wants coke or lemonade, something fizzy to help with the dryness that’s burning his throat. He’s not sure where he is, can’t bear to open his eyes just yet. It feels like it’s the worst hangover he’s ever experienced. 

When he does eventually open his eyes, after a lot of internal effort, Louis sees that it’s dark outside the room, but the view he’s got through the window isn’t that of the leafy street from the tiny flat he shares with Harry. He sees the Thames and a scaffold-cladded Big Ben and the lights of the city shining and moving. It’s late and he has no idea where he is. 

It takes a few minutes for Louis to realise he’s in a hospital room, what with the noise of beeping machines and people wandering to and fro outside of the room, on the ward. When Louis looks down at his body, he has the urge to vomit. He’s covered in a mint green blanket but there are scars and bruises of different sizes up and down his forearms, as if he’s been wrestling with shards of metal. He lifts up a weak hand, the IV plugged into him, and touches his face. His skin is delicate and he’s sure it’s bruised. He tries to push his hair back and is horrified when he feels a patch of gauze on the side of his head where his hair has been shaved off. A lump forms in his already dry throat and he’s sure he’s going to vomit soon.

What the fuck has happened?

He tries to remember, claws desperately at his memories, trying to understand. The last thing he remembers is him and Harry getting back from their honeymoon. They’d gone to the Maldives for a plush getaway and had returned to their lives in London. Harry had just gotten a pay rise at the law firm he worked for which had meant they’d splashed out on a little luxury on their honeymoon. Louis was halfway through a master’s degree in Literature, hoping to teach English. But the reason for Louis being strapped into a hospital room was completely unknown to him. He began to sweat, tried to sit up but a pulsing pain in his shoulder caused him to groan aloud and lie back down. 

He was about to try again when the door opened, a young female nurse entering, clearly not expecting him to be awake. 

“Mr Tomlinson-Styles?” She smiles. “How are you doing?” She stands next to the bed, checking the heart monitor and systems above his head. 

“What’s happened?” Louis asks, surprised his voice isn’t more squeaky or croaky. 

“You were in a car accident, Louis.” She begins. 

Louis panics, tries to sit up again but she gently stops him from moving. “It’s ok, Louis. It’s ok. You had the most serious injuries. Everyone else involved was luckier that you were.” 

Louis takes a deep breath. He thanks every God in the sky that he hadn’t caused somebody’s death. 

“Is Harry…” Louis stutters. 

“We’ll call your husband and let him know you’re awake.” The nurse smiles. 

“How long have I been out of it?” Louis asks, fiddling with the blanket just for something to do. 

“You’ve been in an induced coma for just under a week.” She tells him. “You suffered some trauma to the head but it’s already beginning to heal. And you dislocated your shoulder but it’s been put back in place. You’ve been doing very well.” 

When Louis says nothing, the nurse steps closer. “Do you know what the date is, Louis?”

Louis wants to laugh. What a stupid question. He knows he’s had an accident but it’s not like he’s forgotten who he is. He knows his mum is Johanna, he knows he has five sisters and a brother. He knows Harry is his husband, the love of his life. He’s just got married on the 28th September, he knows what date it is. And if he’s been in a coma for just under a week, he knows exactly what the date is. 

“It’s the 16th of October 2015.” 

The nurse just nods and leaves the room and for a second Louis feels nothing. 

* * *

Louis doesn’t even realise he had fallen back into a slumber but suddenly he’s being pulled into a hug, the IV tube getting squished in between Louis’s body and whoever’s hugging him. Louis takes in a deep breath and wants to cry when he recognises the smell. It’s Harry. The scent of vanilla and musk is welcomed into Louis’s nostrils. 

“Oh, Louis.” Harry cries, still holding onto Louis’s limp body. “Oh, thank _God_. I thought we’d lost you.”

When Harry finally pulls back, he sits down on the edge of the bed and holds Louis’s hand in one hand and touches his bruised face with the other. He winces. Louis thinks he must look terrible. He’d felt so beautiful on his wedding day but now he guessed he looked as broken and bruised as he felt.

“Hi Harry.” Louis smiles. 

“I am _so_ happy to see you.” Harry whispers. “How are you feeling?”

“A little strange.” Louis tells him. 

“Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.” Harry begins. 

“He’s been here every single day, Louis. We’ve been having to send him home.” The nurse from before stands just inside the room, smiling at them, and grabbing Louis’s patient folder and reading through it. 

“Are you ok?” Louis asks. “You weren’t in the car--”

“I’m just happy you’re awake. We can talk about it later.” Harry tells him, caressing Louis’s cheek and kissing the hand that doesn’t have a tube stuck in it. “For now, you need to rest.” Harry lifts a cup of water up to Louis’s face, positioning the straw so Louis can take a quick sip.

“Is my mum coming down?” Louis asks. 

It takes him a minute to realise that Harry has gone wide-eyed, confused and heartbroken all at once. He sees how Harry looks at the nurse who simply gives him a sympathetic grimace, like she knows something that Louis doesn’t. 

“ _Lou_.” Harry mutters, his voice heavy and in pain. “Louis, Johanna’s--” He looks at the nurse again. 

“Louis.” The nurse starts, “We believe you’re suffering from memory loss. It’s completely normal and to be expected with this kind of situation, but we can’t determine when or if it will come back. I know this is a lot to take in.” 

As she speaks, Louis watches Harry’s eyes begin to water. Harry wipes away a tear before trying his best to smile. 

“Lou, I’m so sorry, baby. Your mum passed away.” Harry says quietly. Louis couldn’t get a word out of his quivering lips even if he wanted to. “It’s 2020, Lou.”

2020? No, Louis thinks, it can’t possibly be. That would mean they’ve been married for five whole years. That’s unthinkable, can’t possibly be true. Louis tries to calm his shaky hands. 

“Where are my sisters?” Louis eventually asks. The panic begins to bubble in his chest. 

“The twins are all up in Doncaster. Lottie’s on her way over.” Harry tells him, throat sore. 

“And Fizz?” Louis questions, taking another deep and laboured breath. The news of his mother feels like a familiar dream. He vaguely remembers the funeral but it’s murky and he’s not sure if the images in his head are real memories or just his imagination. As he’s thinking, he doesn’t even realise that Harry has more tears leaking from his pretty green eyes. Louis’s heart is pumping double time. 

“Louis, I’m so sorry. Felicite passed away last year.” Harry tries to speak as softly as he can. This is too much, too much to hear and too much to bear. His baby sister. 

“How?” Louis’s mouth feels like it’s on the floor. 

“ _Louis_ \--”

“What happened?” Louis demands. 

“It was an accident. A coke overdose.” Harry breathes out, as if he’s fighting with himself. 

Louis says nothing. None of it makes sense. He feels sick, like he’s never going to feel anything other than this horrific sickness. The nurse leaves and for many minutes, Louis and Harry sit in silence, holding each other. What is there to say? 

“You should get some sleep, Lou.” Harry whispers. “It’s late.”

Louis just nods. He feels numb, utterly numb to everything. He lets go of Harry as Harry gets to his feet.

Harry kisses Louis’s forehead, stays near him. “I promise we’re going to get through this.” 

Louis nods again. 

“I’ll give Arthur a big hug and a kiss from you. I’ve been doing it every evening.” Harry smiles. “He knows you love him.”

Louis looks up at his husband. They’d always wanted to get a pet. Louis can’t picture the dog though, maybe they got a poodle just like they always wanted. Louis tried to smile. 

“Arthur?” Louis asks. “We got a dog?” 

Louis thinks he’s seen Harry’s ultimate level of pain that evening, but that last question has knocked him. He’s never seen Harry look so upset, so sorry, so _desperate_. 

“Louis.” Harry murmurs. “Arthur’s our son, our baby boy.”


End file.
